Recovering from COVID-19 ~ First Shower

This is one of the only pictures I have of myself in rehab. I documented this moment because it was the day that my sense of smell returned. I knew this because I could smell my own body odor. Disgusting, I know...but in my defense, I had been in the hospital on a ventilator and in the ICU unable to move for the past 20 days. My hair was matted and filled with puke particles and God knows whatever else was hiding in there. I was desperate for a shower but needed to prove I was strong enough to stand and walk in order for them to let me. 

The physical therapist came into my room for my morning session. I remember warning him not to get too close to me, as he reached around me, securing me to him with a strap. He claimed that he didn't notice...but I know he was just being kind because I STUNK! He helped me stand up and take a few steps without the walker. Stepping on the floor caused a searing pain to shoot from my feet up through my legs and then my legs began to shake.  I walked a few feet and then returned to the mauve recliner so I could sit. The act of standing and walking 'unassisted' wiped me out! My chest felt heavy, like there was constant pressure pushing down on me. My pulse rate escalated to over 120.  The PT helped me practice deep breathing exercises to regain control of my breath. 

Once my breath had returned to 'normal', I grabbed the walker and practiced walking around my room. The therapist stood behind me and encouraged me. My leg muscles ached, my arms shook and my chest burned but I was determined to show him that I was able to walk far enough to get into the damn shower. 

Soon after PT ended, the Occupational Therapist came in for her session. Excitedly, she told me that the Physical Therapist thought I was strong enough to walk down the hall to take a shower! Walking very slowly and deliberately, I made my way for the door. My lungs were SCREAMING at me but still I pressed on, determined to wash the stink off me. 

Breathing heavily, I made it to the shower room and maneuvered my way around to sit on the bench. I was too weak to undress on my own, so the OT and nurse helped me. They turned on the faucet for me and handed me the shower head. The feeling of sitting under the hot water actually made me cry. It felt unlike anything I had felt before. Pure bliss!

At that moment I did not care that it took the OT and a nurse to get me in the shower and that they stood there with me while I sat naked with all of my lumps and bumps, bruises and scars exposed or that there was one bottle of nasty smelling soap meant to be shampoo, conditioner and a body wash all in one. It didn't matter that I was too weak to lift my arms to my head and needed the OT to come in the shower and wash my hair...I was just so damned happy to be there. 

That's all that I accomplished that day. I spent the rest of my day in bed or sitting up in the chair exhausted but I had taken a shower, probably the best shower that I've ever had.